I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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