alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
