Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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