This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
