he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
