I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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