She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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