Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
pray to the hookup gods
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
