Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Randomize
