I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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