i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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