i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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