So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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