Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
