Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize