i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize