wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
