Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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