I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
