I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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