talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
