Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
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