i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
