it wasn't lemon gatorade
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
