Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
