Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
