What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
