I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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