I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
