I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
