so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize