It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
