you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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