if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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