Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
