In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
