That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
