the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is Oprah even human
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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