guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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