I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
How external is "for external use only"?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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