I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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