No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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