You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
