Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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