I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just had sex on a roof
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
