dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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