highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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