Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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