The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
