We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
