The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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