Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is my gift to your gina
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
