We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
