i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
