Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
