He asked to "fluff my boner.."
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
