You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
