I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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