I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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