Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
