never play flip cup with pint glasses
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
