New invention idea: vibrating tampons
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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