Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
