she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
